I've been thinking a lot about the ideal lately with the holidays coming. With the bug really understanding that things are different around the house--there's a huge tree inside, for instance--
I've been trying to figure out what would make the ideal Christmas morning.
What Christmas casserole should I make in order to look like awesome, but like I didn't try too hard...
How can I make the house look like I'm a stay-at-home mom instead of a I-can't-get-off-the-couch-after-the-bug-goes-to-bed mom?
How can I make the perfect roast for family Christmas dinner?
What would the ideal Christmas present be for me? K keeps asking...
The fact is that I just don't know. I'm literally at a loss for what would make me happy.
It seems like I don't have the time. That's what I keep telling myself. But, then I find mysIelf doing things like...well...writing this post. Or watching Big Bang Theory. Or talking to colleagues after work. Or sitting on the floor while the bug plays. And I realize that I do have the time to do more. But it's just so damn hard to do more.
Where do people get the motivation needed in order to create the ideal?
I look around at my friends and their lives, and from the outside many of them seem to have it together. Their homes are clean. My toilet hasn't been cleaned for at least three weeks. Their Christmas shopping is done. I have only bought one present for K, and I don't have any idea when I'll actually have time to get something that doesn't come from the grocery store. Their kids are clean and happy. My kid is running around right now trying to find crayons while I hurriedly try to finish this before something gets broken. Their lesson plans include well thought out assessment. I need to figure out when I can get an hour this weekend to hack together something for Monday, and then blindly fly by the seat of my pants until Christmas vacation. They are finding time to run and exercise. I haven't done anything active since Thanksgiving morning. They are confident. I feel like I'm faking it.
So, what's my ideal? I don't have a clue. And let's face it; I know that until I figure that out, I'll just putz along, hoping to stumble upon something.
